Dealing With Bullies
Unfortunately the world is still full of bullies and unfortunately there are people who can’t defend themselves from them yet.
So today I will give you some tips that I told one of my patients yesterday.
Do you know why nobody yells at me at the phone? Because I hang up. Immediately. As soon the person raises his voice I hang up. In his face. If I’m in a good mood I could advise: look, I will hang up in your face unless you change your manners. But otherwise, I just hang up. And if the person calls me again I explain: I hung up because you shouted at me. If the guy complains and shouts again… I hang up again and maybe I go to step two:
I don’t answer the phone. Nothing can make me talk to anybody I don’t want to. Nothing. So I just push the red button and that is all. It’s so simple. Really. It is simple.
But what happens when you are face to face to the bully?
Pay attention: this goes with every bully, at school, at home, everywhere.
You walk away.
You turn around and walk away. Don’t stay listening shit you don’t deserve to listen. Mainly if the person is yelling at you. Nobody may yell at you. (And obviously you may not yell at people too. Unless you want to shout back, but that’s another story…). Be cool and go away.
The act of leaving a person shouting by himself is a very aggressive one. So be prepared to go all the way, until the end. It means anything can happen. The person can grab your arm; can hold you to keep you immobilized to continue harassing you. Then, you say firmly: DON’T TOUCH ME. LET ME GO! And do whatever you have to do to free yourself if you are not complied. Even ask for help and call the authorities if needed. NOBODY CAN TOUCH YOU WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION. It is illegal and you may call the police if you have to. Don’t bother going crazy. The message you have to pass is: don’t mess with me or you will face the consequences (the law, the principal, the parents, etc.).
Why do people don’t face their oppressors? Fear. But most of all because they don’t think they deserve to be well treated, well defended by who defends people. They think they are less important, they have low self-respect, so I must tell you: all people are inviolable. Our bodies are our boundaries and nobody can touch us if we don’t want to be touched. Put this idea in your mind and defend yourself. Do whatever you have to do. Don’t let anybody trespass your limits. Not once. So you will feel you are an entire person.
I don’t advocate violence. I just tell people to defend themselves when they are threatened and to avoid situations that can be disagreeable.